what i’ve learned is that nothing at this level takes as long as we expect it to. lack of experience tells the honest lie for us. never would have thought id come this far, yet i should’ve been here way sooner. still going to take me longer. not that psycho determination and effort in my bones won’t cut it. its the uphill battle, the flopped deck of cards, the poor choice of cofounders, and a couple other circumstances that led me here. there is no fail at this scale. and every lesson has been learned. then i went ahead and built it myself, soon it will be ready for global use…just some shell programming and cloud logistics to consider so the venture stays afloat - then bang go try it world. intention will always be the same - create things that don’t exist - and through the process form a company in the likes of Automattic. sometimes this next phase seems so far away, yet i know it’s just impatience waiting to spit the brain on several walls forming the next decade of internet machines. my angle is that one proven model with traction will earn the opportunity, advisors, and with all diligence complete, funding.
but thats not all. in 2010 i believe a total internet integration will be big trend. business socially engage and offer commerce. the engagement of reviews and certain offers may go viral. the hybrid web and force it mobile… lovely.
literally spend all day every day thinking internet internet internet internet internet internet internet, moving the code around in my head, planning for new code in the endless list for the future, keep programming it everyday so i can launch as soon as the now. deadline ~0 life for me till its done because this opportunity i created for myself. none of it is easy to build where im blessed with an engineering mind for it. so i keep going and going. too tired to be social, rest well more internet machine building tomorrow and again and again and again and again and again, head into the screens, the five screens, again and again, my only windows to my world. will it change when im done i dont know, so many ma chines to build, still living at 0, keep again stay disciplined always, fuck this, again i keep going internet internet internet internet internet…..small rest, need to breath, need some rest, head in those screens tomorrow, save energy for a 2 mile run, keep the discipline going on, this mission has lasted only four years long, not far to go, internet brain wont stop go.
i’ve been working on this for a long time. i won’t always do everything internet alone. i see startup advice that discuss methods for getting a web service online and running for around $10k and think to myself “why didn’t i go that route?”. then i remember that they probably can’t build it like me. their brain doesn’t work like mine. they either consider only a specific part of the internet, or they build it without consideration for how it will be used, maybe a lack of thought for scale, and the bottom line ends up being that it would take a solid team to get the machine built right. this isn’t simply a widget being built, or an addon to the stack of another platform, but a platform that will eventually have a stack of its own. the prototype will prove the mindset true - there really isn’t an internet technology that aims to do what mine does. they always say there is someone building the same thing you are building, yet i haven’t read or found anything that resembles my version of an internet machine builder. the vision and prototype starts with automating capital efficient pre-marketed self sustaining ecommerce storefronts. fast forward to the established business model that my venture backed brain has planned for the future and we are working with internet hardware that will change the way we percieve ecommerce development. internet engineering that we haven’t experienced yet sits in my brain ready to implement the day the world understands that the internet visions i claim to have are real. internet machine builders will transform the way we approach internet development because they aim to automate internet engineering designs that remove everything except the artistic portion of the web design process.
for the first time in my life i understand happiness. for the first 28.5 years of my life i can honestly say that i have never felt periods of true happiness. sure, i have felt what happiness is during the few short periods in my life where i was in love and had that love requitted. but those feelings always accompanied feelings of anxiety due to the situation i was in. the cards in love have never been dealt correctly to me. when i share the stories one day, the world will agree. the false perceptions of reality that narcolpesy introduced didn’t help the situations either. seriously, i have never felt true happiness in my entire fucking life! everything has changed. i wake up now every morning with a big fat smile on my face! and i am still very alone! it is amazing, i wake up, and i get to live! i wake up! i don’t care how gay it sounds, but sometimes i even cry over it. i truly believed that i was cursed, but now i believe i am blessed. let’s change the subject. my father is not doing well - he has ataxia, and for the past 20 years he has not had a life. however, he has so much pride that he chose to reject having a life at the expense of his pride. he has had access to best electronic wheelchairs but refuses to use them because he wants to walk. the logic is astounding! yet my entire life i saw a man who took for granted the fortunes that this life gave to him. he had a beautiful loyal wife (my mother) but chose to throw his marriage and his business away for selfish reasons. he has a son who he choses to not be father to because of the relationship he has with his mother. the man is willing to set aside 40 years of neglect yet our father choses to disregard his seed for his own selfish reasons. it absolutely disgusts me. i see a man who was dealt great cards in this life, who took those cards for granted, and this life smacked him back in the face for his blatant disregard for the gifts he was given. i will NEVER take for granted the blessings this life offers me! if i am ever offered loyal love and financial success in this life i will NEVER take for granted the blessings this life offers me!
the only reality i know is through my internet connected world. there are no peers i can turn to for feedback or help. there is no guidance for the questions i have. the internet is my teacher for the things i need to know. for most the information i need, i seek the internet for the answers. but there are few questions that even the internet has no answers. the internet does not have the answers for the things i see in my brain. the hardware and web services i see as if they were right in front of me. i see the functionality of the web services as if i had specific buttons to click on and which classes they would invoke and which servers they would utilize. there is no team yet to whom i may seek feedback. it is sometimes hard to guage which experiences i can deem are real without any direct human feedback outside of the internet. reality will always have me press on. the dream and direction is to build all of the internet machines in my brain. they are real to me because i visualize every last detail about them. i feel fortunate for every real validation i receive regarding the direction i am taking. i feel fortunate to believe that the visions i see will one day impact our world.
i once told myself that i wasn’t going to quit because i wanted to show her what i was capable of. two months later i had lost 45 pounds of fat and gained 10 pounds of muscle. discipline got me there. i wrote down my diet meal for meal for the duration of the program i put myself on. the length and intensity of the cardio fat burning activity increased ritualistically. the weight training routines always exhausted my muscle groups to failure. the body is the simplest thing to master yet the discipline it requires to make extreme changes always has me testing myself. i always tend to push through to the extreme. the internet. i once told myself that i would learn everything there is to know about internet. four years later i formed several schematics for internet machines. sacraficed all of my time to learn everything about internet and implementation for several industries. sat in rooms alone with several computers and mobile devices thinking about every possibility for profitable internet services and devices. sat in rooms alone with stacks of internet books learning the correlation between internet output and each component of the internet. sat in rooms alone studying what each piece of hardware in the entire internet machine is used for and how they operate. i am a broken record. extreme discipline is key to accomplishing my dreams in this life.
the screams are getting louder. earlier today i took a break from internet to lay on the couch. two more internet devices popped into my head. i laid there thinking about a schematic for the hardware implementation. i even came up with a social networked web service addon that it could be tied to. the business model is profitable. attaching it to the proper social media platform would virtually automate user traction. i didn’t even bother putting this one down on paper. i am screaming in my head. read Fred Wilson’s avc.com comments about “default services” right now thinking to myself “i can’t be the only one who sees the innovation that is available to create right now!” literally screaming. someone had commented on my comment regarding an opportunity for innovation. i wasnt even thinking evite, way off target, we probably are not even thinking about the same part of the internet. it frustrates me sometimes - here i am telling the world that i have several patents that we could be building RIGHT NOW, everybody shrugs their shoulders, probably snickering “yeah right”. i can’t wait to have my first in person meeting with a vc. once i explain any of the technologies in person and exactly how they operate i wonder how long it will take for the first one to get funded. even more curious about the several others just wasting away in my head…
i didnt choose this path. this path chose me. i didnt choose to have narcolepsy. if i had my way i would have stayed awake all those years of high school and earned my way into Stanford or MIT. innovation comes naturally to me, and time is no longer distorted in my eyes. the perception to each passing day is unfolding the future i see before me. it’s even predictable. i didn’t even know it. i set dates and timeframes for things now with no comprehension of what their significance is until they occur. example. last august i told myself that my life would completely change september 2008. i had no idea in what way or how, only fantasies of the things i would have wished for at the time. result. i woke up for the first in my life september 2008. my reality and comprehension of consciousness is changed forever. that is just one of countless experiences to live by, and the older i become the wiser to the expected result i am. time is the most precious thing we have. may we all not take for granted the time we have on this earth. born to be an internet entrepreneur. comprehension of the internet that can fortell the future and understands internet technologies that don’t exist to be created for shaping tomorrow. it is only a matter of time. everything is falling into place. as a human i am aware of my biological needs more than most through my unparralelled comprehension of consciousness. i am aware of the cyclical human physiological symptoms that fuel feelings of self-doubt, uncertainty, and anxiousness. it never takes long to overcome these emotions before it is back to kill mode. yes kill mode. category kill mode with schematics for automated internet machines in my brain. machines that will one day help the economy, give leverage to small business, yield devices of the future, and create the internet reality of tomorrow. everything is falling into place. the internet future i will help innovate and create is inevitable.
it sounds funny to even me. i have automated category killer internet machines ingrained in my brain. the schematics are complete up there. i can tell you how to put them all together without having any piece of them in front of me. yes indeed, there are more than one. they came to me naturally. and at some point over my three years in solitude with several computers and the internet, their mapping to a monetary model came about. they are patent worthy. i no longer worry that someone will come along and patent them before me. i understand how ahead of the curve they are. i understand how rare it is to have a complete internet education as no curriculum for the discipline exists. another business. an automated internet education machine. the clock is ticking. i can feel the time coming. all of these thousands of hours i continue to put towards internet will ultimately define a future that would not exist without me. strange. the reality is strange to me. these automated category killer internet machines will one day power business models. they will create a platform that creates a need to employ people. they will provide a convenience for people on this planet that is long overdue. machines. automated category killer internet machines in my brain.
its exciting to think that ill be amongst the first. i commented on Bijan’s blog a couple of days ago regarding the differences between west coast and east coast internet design flavors. my internet technologies are intuitive cutting edge internet machines that have appeal to the public eye. it’s exciting to know that with all the innovation happening in the world today that i’ll still be building a startup that is ahead of the curve. they will be smart designs. not what your thinking. it’s what i am seeing.
i didn’t attend Harvard or Stanford. i didn’t have an opportunity to. this isn’t a sob story, i thank god every night i go to sleep because i get to wake up every morning. before September 2008 i did not comprehend waking up on my own because i have Narcolepsy. yet with no pedigree this ailment enabled a self education of the internet that has enabled me to design several internet technologies that do not exist. quitting will never be an option. even with $0 funding i will persist until this technolgy is complete because i know that once it is done i will be the only person in the world that has it. i will be the only one.
