blessed
for the first time in my life i understand happiness. for the first 28.5 years of my life i can honestly say that i have never felt periods of true happiness. sure, i have felt what happiness is during the few short periods in my life where i was in love and had that love requitted. but those feelings always accompanied feelings of anxiety due to the situation i was in. the cards in love have never been dealt correctly to me. when i share the stories one day, the world will agree. the false perceptions of reality that narcolpesy introduced didn’t help the situations either. seriously, i have never felt true happiness in my entire fucking life! everything has changed. i wake up now every morning with a big fat smile on my face! and i am still very alone! it is amazing, i wake up, and i get to live! i wake up! i don’t care how gay it sounds, but sometimes i even cry over it. i truly believed that i was cursed, but now i believe i am blessed. let’s change the subject. my father is not doing well - he has ataxia, and for the past 20 years he has not had a life. however, he has so much pride that he chose to reject having a life at the expense of his pride. he has had access to best electronic wheelchairs but refuses to use them because he wants to walk. the logic is astounding! yet my entire life i saw a man who took for granted the fortunes that this life gave to him. he had a beautiful loyal wife (my mother) but chose to throw his marriage and his business away for selfish reasons. he has a son who he choses to not be father to because of the relationship he has with his mother. the man is willing to set aside 40 years of neglect yet our father choses to disregard his seed for his own selfish reasons. it absolutely disgusts me. i see a man who was dealt great cards in this life, who took those cards for granted, and this life smacked him back in the face for his blatant disregard for the gifts he was given. i will NEVER take for granted the blessings this life offers me! if i am ever offered loyal love and financial success in this life i will NEVER take for granted the blessings this life offers me!
